Semester number five at OU is coming to a close. I am in awe at how fast my time in college is running past me. One thing I can say about my time in college is I have not been stagnant. I can't say this is because of my own efforts, but rather due to life's uncontrollable circumstances. Each semester has brought about a lot of change: change in my major, change in my friendships, change in my relationships, change in extracurricular activities, change in myself and change in my future plans. Whether I have liked it or not all of this change has refined me immensely. All of my failures and victories remind me that God is the one who blesses me, fulfills me, heals me and holds me.
Growing up, I had a decently strong foundation in my faith and of who I wanted to be. I view myself in highschool as kind of a lump of clay that somewhat resembled the final sculpture I wanted to be, but there were a lot of details missing or not there. Mixed in with this lump of clay was a ton of insecurity, self-doubt and anxiety. As I got to college, these issues didn't go away, but were further exposed. Throughout the past two and a half years, God has allowed me to go through dissapointment, hurt, betrayal and failure to shape me into who He wants me to be. With each trial, I can see His hand in every situation chipping away at the lump of clay and refining me to be the woman of God He wants me to be.
Out of all my semesters I can definitely say I have matured the most in this one, and I am so proud of the progress I have made.
Here are some lessons I learned :)
This semester I experienced a fresh new desire to be in God's word. Spending time with God is the most valuable part of my day. I love learning about theology and history in the Bible, but most of all I love how scripture quite literally renews my mind (Romans 12:2). It is something you can't explain unless you experience God yourself- but I can attest to the fact that filling my mind with scripture about the goodness of God and my identity in Him alters my thoughts and actions. I am a different person when I am living out of the spirit vs. living out of my flesh.
Another lesson I learned this semester is how to better deal with my emotions. Now you think I would have mastered this at a young age, but I am still working on it as a 20 year old. My whole life I have been the queen of stuffing in my emotions. I hate conflict and want myself and everyone around me to be at peace. When conflict arises, I can crumble and don't always know how to handle it. My former coping mechanism was to stuff everything in and try to forget about a situation- which leads to an implosion of emotions down the road. The truth is, feeling angry, upset or sad is not a sin and God created these emotions- it is okay not to be happy all of the time or to tell God you are mad at him. When I accept a situation, talk through it and get all of my emotions out- I can let go and move on 100000x faster. I wish I learned this about myself sooner, but hey sometimes I'm a slow, stubborn learner.
This semester I also learned the importance of worship! One of my friends recommended I read through the book of Job- and I am so thankful she did. I could write a whole blog post about what I learned from Job's life, but the thing I was the most in awe at was his unwavering faith and worship to God at the lowest point in his life. Satan literally stripped everything tangible away from Job. When he lost everything, Job fell to his knees in worship crying out "The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord." Job was a righteous, faithful man and still went through immense trial. Despite every obstacle, Job remained fervent in prayer and worship. I am AMAZED at Job's faith and pray I model his actions.
The final lesson I'm going to talk about in this post is the importance of joy & community. It is hard to find good, Godly community in college. It is so rare and beautiful to find friends who live out their faith when it isn't popular, are selfless, and bring others up with them. I am so grateful for the friends in my life who possess these qualities and the joy they have brought to my life. I am so thankful for the little and big things: a kind appreciative text, quiet time coffee dates, a ride to class, bringing me food, praying over me or sitting with me when I'm sad just so I'm not alone.
Also this semester I started attending a Christian ministry on my campus and have already met some pretty amazing people. I am attending their conference over winter break and I am so so excited to grow in my faith and community there. Being around people who I can look up to and push me to be better brings so much joy to my life and I am SO grateful for them.
Those are some of the big things God taught me this semester! Also grateful for the million little everyday lessons I am learning as well (a consistent work out routine is not one of them yet aha sorry to dissapoint mom). Excited for what's in store to come.
That's all! Thanks for reading about my life :) xx
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